acknowledges | ic contact

Ow! Hey!

[ Bolin protests the treatment loudly, scooting away and jostling Yun as he does so, her sound of protest evolving into a growl. (He moves his hand out of her fleece then, out of consideration, not fear.)

He sighs as he faces Naruto, the position feeling so familiar. ]

Okay. The noodle place? [ He thinks about it, it's been a while since he's gone, and he needs a moment to think about what to say. ]

Well, it's called Narook's Seaweed Noodlery, and it's got the best seaweed noodles in the city! They're totally authentic Water Tribe noodles too, my friend Korra loves the place as she's from the Water Tribe. [ His hands are up now, gesturing and revealing his enthusiasm as he talks. ] But that's pretty typical of Republic City: you can find stuff from all over the Four Nations!

[He doesn't take the protest seriously but that's because he isn't supposed to. The pillow was a punctuation mark and a diversion in equal measure- moving them into the new. He isn't trying to run from the sense of sadness that they never seem able to shake, he's just rolling with it. Like all things, the emotion won't be all consuming forever. Life goes on and so do the people in it- what matters, he thinks, is embracing those moments as they come. Like this.

Naruto's arms fold behind his head only to change trajectory at the last moment- giving Bolin something to pillow his own on.]

Seaweed noodles? [That isn't something he's thought of before.]

Are they real salty? Is it like kelp, all green an' stuff?

It can't be better than ramen, nothing's as good as that.

[ It does lift his spirits to talk about Narook's, the nostalgia creating a familiar, cozy feeling in his chest. Like he's still got a bit of home with him.

He's happy too, knowing that he's got Naruto here. ]

Yeah, it's green! Because of seaweed. [ Which is fairly self-evident. ] And they're normally salty... Man, my mouth is starting to water just remembering them. It is kind of like ramen, but a different kind of noodle and broth? But the same... elements?

[ He knocks on Naruto's shoulder. ]

What do you miss most about home?

[Most is a hard thing to talk about because it's so many different things, and none of those things are really easy to bring up. The big stuff is a far cry from the comfortable tone they've slipped into too. Naruto's feet swing thoughtfully, a lazy sway from side to side.

Now that he mentions it...]

There's nothing here like Ichiraku.

[What a pathetic sounding voice! He's starting to rub his stomach just thinking about it.]

I've been dreaming about that ramen forever, and the old man that runs it sometimes gives me extra bowls, yanno? It's the best when somebody else treats you, but Ichiraku's always so good I spend all my money there anyway.

Ichiraku? [ He sounds a little puzzled before he laughs a little. ] Ramen? That's what you miss the most?

[ Maybe it's on Naruto's mind since they're already talking about noodles. Bolin crosses his arms over his chest as he thinks about it. ]

I kind of understand. That old man sounds pretty nice, it's a good thing that you're still paying or his kindness might've run him out of business... [ Naruto's got a bit of an appetite.

He's thinking about what kind of place the other boy comes from now though, where kids are trained to fight and work as ninjas rather than being caught up in it all through circumstance. It's a little hard to picture. ]

But I guess you have Sasuke and Sakura here, even if they are old.

[ .... ]

I still can't believe you won't ask them anything about your future!

[It's probably a little more than that. Naruto can be pretty frugal, but going to Ichiraku had always been something special- when no one else in the village would tolerate him, he could always climb onto a stool there and didn't have to get worried about getting kicked out. And then after that are a string of memories associated with celebrating with his friends- when Iruka-sensei treated him for the first time after he graduated the academy, sitting with team seven, trying to trick Kakashi-sensei into taking off his mask. In the whole village that one place had been something he could always count on. It really is synonymous with home, more than his little one bedroom ever could have been.

The memories leave him beaming at the ceiling, content and warm, even as his thoughts drift Sakura and Sasuke.]

I've asked them a couple'a questions, but. [His brows scrunch together and Naruto's head rolls to look at him; they're almost nose to nose.]

I'm not really sure that they're happy.

[ Naruto’s going to find a curious, insistent stare looking back at him. Though once he turns his head, Bolin’s expression shifts, nose wrinkling at a puff of breath, his thoughts rudely drifting even as Naruto answers a question that Bolin had asked him. He’s always been a physical person, without even thinking about it—really, he’s never thought about it before. Even when he’d had Adrasteius with him, and the elf had been averse to contact forcing Bolin to watch himself, it had just become another habit. He doesn’t reflect on his tendency to embrace his friends, or reach out to others as a means of comfort.

But Naruto is close, the kind of close that he gets from Varrick when the other man gets excited and blatantly invades his personal space. Except it’s not exactly that kind of close, because it doesn’t come from a blatant disregard for others in the face of one’s own excitement. It’s different. Different enough that he notices. ]

Really? [ He frowns, tilting his head away as he replies so that he’s not breathing his response over Naruto’s face. ] Even though the war you’re fighting is over?

[There's something about the conversation that feels like he's telling a secret- not one that belongs to someone else, but one even he had struggled to name. His frown is small and soft, it's a thoughtful gesture- folded together over his stomach, his fingers flex.] I'm not sure how to explain it.

[The memories keep coming back to him- the way Sakura-chan had looked standing on that balcony, the way Sasuke had justified being away from him family for the sake of the village. He knows that he hasn't explained a whole lot about the world he comes from to Bolin, so maybe it won't be very easy to understand, but he can feel his own willingness to try in the way the words bubble up in his mouth. It's more than that Bolin listens, he asks. Even now he's supernaturally aware of the weight of his gaze, of having all of his attention. It's strange to reconcile it when he remembers being so starved for acknowledgement as a child- when he'd wanted even one person to look at him and really see him. Not to say that he mattered, but just to say he was there.]

I thought everything we were fighting for was to change the shinobi world. There've been so many cycles of hatred and revenge. I want to break them, even if I'm not sure how. Sasuke says that everything turned out right in the end, and Sakura says they have a family. But.

[That's the part that hurts. A heavy weight in the pit of his stomach; guilt.]

Sakura-chan has always been waiting for the people she loves to come home. She's always been missing someone. And Sasuke lost his entire family once already- why's he gotta sacrifice it all over again? It's the same thing his brother did, giving up his happiness to protect the village.

They tell me I'm the Hokage now, and that all our dreams came true, that we're on our way to peace.

-But is that really a change at all? It's like we're walking a different to the same place. I just wanted- everyone to be happy. I wanted my friends to be happy. [His throat feels tight. Naruto's voice falters just for a moment, when he continues, his eyelashes are wet.] And even now they keep saying it's okay. They aren't happy and they say it's okay.

[ He doesn't want to know what that's like. Bolin doesn't have big dreams, but he doesn't want to know what it's like for Naruto, who's had that dream and hope, and worked so hard for something he really believed he could make happen, and see it come out all wrong. It must be heartbreaking, to dedicate your life to something and know that it's nothing like you dreamed; to know especially that the ones that had been fighting with you are done with that belief.

Bolin is naive and optimistic in most cases, backing off of conflicts or compromising heavily because he doesn't want to see that expression. And even if he's ignorant, he can feel how much this hurts Naruto. He doesn't need a frame of reference; comparing it to Korra, her big ambitions, and how much each of her victories took out of her.

It makes his chest go tight, an answering warmth in his own eyes at seeing the state that Naruto's been brought to, and muscles tense with desire. A wish to think of something to say to lighten the situation; a way to make it seem better than what it is. Something positive, something good.

He knows better than to pursue that desire however, and instead he turns on the bed so that he's facing Naruto more clearly, reaching out to take him by the shoulders and draw him in for a tight hug, nothing careful or tentative about it. ]

Hey, I'm sorry. I wish you were happy too. I really...

[ Because it's meant to be. That's how it's meant to be when you sacrifice this much. ]

[He's no stranger to crying in front of other people, even if it is a little embarrassing, and even if it only makes him look even more uncool. Naruto wears his heart on his sleeve for better and for worse. He isn't ashamed of the depth to which he feels things, or the importance of the people he cares about. Every conversation he's had with Sakura and Sasuke has felt like all three of them were just moving around some invisible thing in the room with them, this thing they couldn't name or change or talk about. Naruto knows that they're keeping secrets from him in the same way that he knows, in his stomach, that they're doing it to keep him safe- that they aren't trying to hurt him and that they're just doing their best.

But in that- in the small admissions that they have made, in the way their eyes find his only to slide away- it hurts. It's unreal how much it hurts. Time and again Naruto thinks I failed you. He knows he has his world to go back to, that he still has to do a lot more stuff to get to the point in time his friends are from, but that doesn't erase the sadness. He doesn't know how to fix that any more than he knows what to do to find peace and end the years of hatred and revenge that have consumed all their lives. He doesn't know how this happened. Because he should have stopped it.

Sasuke and Sakura- they're the first people to have known him and accepted him, and they did it when no one else would. Naruto loves them both, fiercely, but if that's really true-

How did he let this happen?
How did he stand by for it?
How could they have fought so hard, for so long, and settled for this?

He can't talk about it with them the same way, because it isn't their burden to bear. They're living with the consequences of actions Naruto can't fathom and in that quiet the words are adding up. He feels like he's suffocating beneath them.

The mattress dips as Bolin shifts and Naruto moves in turn an echo for a gesture he doesn't even recognize yet. And then there are arms around him. For the span of two heartbeats, Naruto's body is rigid with surprise. He can count on one hand the number of times he's been hugged like this- that he'd been able to feel the rise and fall of someone's chest against his own, that he'd been able to fit his chin over someone's shoulder and heard their voice near his ear. Bolin doesn't reach for him like he's scared. It isn't pity or fear or congratulations. He doesn't have a name for the way it feels, it just feels- and Naruto, hands trembling, recognizes the moment he could pull away and instead throws himself into it, trusting that he'll be caught. Naruto's arms wrap around his shoulder and chest, they roll along the mattress in his push to get closer, and his face is buried in the slope of Bolin's neck as if he's the only solid thing in the whole world.]

[ There's more. He knows that there's more, probably a tangent of thoughts swirling around Naruto's head, that's so clear and certain in his chest and his mind but so difficult to put into words. Difficult because there's so much feeling, that it's difficult to communicate everything.

He wants to hear it, maybe not today, but someday, so it's not trapped in a helpless circle in Naruto's mind. So that Naruto can put it down, make it tangible and progress out of the thing so encompassing and vague and painful inside him. If he can. Bolin doesn't know. This process of timelines and world hopping is complicated, and he can't even tell if when they'll go back they'll remember everything they learned here.

Probably not. And that's the most frustrating thing, because it means that they can't even incite change with what they learn here. The futility of it is frustrating, to the point where even Bolin is at a loss for positivity.

He doesn't say anything when Naruto returns the hug, just squeezing him tighter and frowning fiercely where Naruto can't see. There's tension and struggle there, come on so quick and wholly, like it had been lying in wait under the surface all along. It's going to keep going on from here on out before it's not as though there are any solutions offered between them, but Bolin is here, his hands pressing hard against Naruto's shoulder blades, feeling the pattern of his ribs against one of his arms. He's here, and he's going to give it all that he's got, even if it isn't much. ]

[He doesn't cry the way he otherwise might, but that's because it feels like the moment he's about to, Bolin is there to catch him. His eyes squeeze shut and the tension threaded through his body snaps like a cut string; it's as if he just can't hold it any longer. Maybe that's true. Bolin asked him what he missed most and the words just start spilling out of him.]

I miss the house I always lived in, even though it's dirty 'cause I haven't seen it in months. I miss my friends that're all counting on me, and the people important to me that've died. I wanted my master to watch me grow up and do everything we talked about and I didn't get to say goodbye. I miss Neji who died 'cause he believed in me.

I miss my parents I never got to see and Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-sensei who were always looking out for me- and Obaa-san shouting at me even though she's the Hokage. I miss having chakra and bein' able to practice jutsu. I miss all the streets I walked on and my friends from other villages and the playground I used to stay in and the kids that nagged me to train with them. I even miss Kurama and we only just became friends.

[The breaths shudder out of him. Naruto's grip doesn't change around Bolin's body- his forehead pressed into the skin of his throat and the pattern of inhale-exhale rocking out of him.]

I miss everything'attebayo.

And I'm gonna miss everything here when it's gone too.

[ That's a lot; a lot of people and places, and it gets Bolin to smile against Naruto's hair, not because it's tickling his nose. He's glad to hear it, if he's honest, because he was wondering what kind of place Naruto had come from, because he couldn't pick up on what the other Hero was yearning for, what he missed, what he thought of when they were silent. So he's glad that there's so much, and that Naruto has a life that he loves to go back to.

Because if it was just duty or a war, he's not sure that he'd want that for Naruto.

His hand moves on Naruto's back, patting him between the shoulder blades, light enough that the gesture doesn't even vibrate all the way to Naruto's breath. Reminiscent of his parents when he was young—of all parents probably, but it's not as though Naruto would know. ]

Yeah, it sucks.

[ Because it does, and it's not as though there's anything either of them can physically do about it, like tear a hole that would taken them back to their homes. It just sucks, and they're allowed to wallow and be sad, and think about how frustrating it is to be in this position. He wants to go home too, even if it hurts to think about how much he'll miss this. ]

But you'll get back... It's possible! I've seen it happen. And I'm going to miss you a lot too.

[He's not saying it because he's homesick. It doesn't have the same resonance that Bolin's words do when he talks about it- like it's the one thing always on his mind. Naruto loves his village because it's the only home he knows, but he also understands what it means to leave it behind. Travel is associated with growth and in this way, being here in Blanc is an extension of that mentality.

He's saying it because Bolin asked him to, and because he can't stop replaying all of his memories, over and over again, when Sakura lapses into silence and when Sasuke doesn't meet his gaze. He doesn't know to to make his peace with this as their future because in a way, it means that whatever he goes back to, it's the beginning of the end. Maybe there'll be good things once the war is really over, and yeah, maybe it'll mean peace for the shinobi world. But the things he'd wanted to desperately to get back are gone; here with him in Caissa is proof.

There's a graveyard of things Naruto has never grieved.

Against Bolin's shoulder, Naruto shakes his head, swallows the rest, and lets his breathing even back out.]

[ Bolin's mind wanders. His thoughts wander from the questions that he has about Naruto's home, and his relationship with Sakura and Sasuke to thinking about Adrasteius again, and the finality of their relationship now, and how he wishes— he wishes—

Something, but he doesn't know what. Maybe just an excuse to bring him back under the pretence of unfinished business.

But his thoughts flit away again to Mako, who's the one person he'd summon if he had fancy abilities like that when the press of Naruto's chest against his own during a particularly long exhale catches his attention, and he thinks instead about Opal, and how he would forget how much he missed being physically close with her every time until he saw her again. He misses it now; wants it now - the far away ache of longing for a certain connection.

Then, he shifts his head so that his chin is pressed to the top of Naruto's head while his gaze moves across the room. ]

Do you want to skip the flower shop and get noodles?

[ He thinks about how happy Naruto had seemed at having received the flowers from Sakura, and it brings a small smile to his lips. ]

[He laughs. It's a watery, happy sound that moves through him and bubbles to the surface. Naruto's never been one to mope, and it's rare for him to allow the depth of his feelings to be seen by others, especially when they're like his. It isn't that he doesn't trust people, or that he's ashamed of the way he feels- but instead that Naruto's will- his abject refusal to settle is what's kept him going for so long that he can't allow himself to stall. There had never been someone behind him back home. There hadn't been parents to tell him they were proud of him, or siblings to tell him that things would be alright. As a child his peers were encouraged to ignore or avoid him- because of what he was, because of what that monster had done to the village.

Naruto has always been picking himself back up. He doesn't resent it because it's all he's known, because the alternative had been laying down to die, or to accept that he should be overlooked. I'm not a nuisance and I'm not some kind of germ! he'd shouted once. I'll become Hokage so that everyone will be forced to acknowledge me!

It's always been about impossible dreams. About sharing those impossible dreams with others.

People aren't that different, he thinks. Maybe the little things are, their individual histories and the things they care about, but they always care about something. No one wants to be alone. No one wants to be hurt.

A person is able to become truly strong when they wish to protect someone they cherish.

Back in his own body he's aware of Bolin's chin on the crown of his head, of his face pressed into his neck. Of the way their arms lock. It occurs to him that he's never been hugged like this before, and then somehow... somehow he's not sure that a hug is the right word for it. And then he realizes, this is what it looks like when someone cares about your feelings. This is Bolin, who came here because he was sad, being kind to him because they're friends. It isn't really one person taking care of the other- but he's not sure when he's felt this before- the opportunity for him to be sad with someone else. To sit with those feelings and not have an answer for them, but not to drown in them either. Naruto's shoulders relax, hands sliding to rest on Bolin's biceps and just lingering there, holding on.]

Hime-chan said she's gonna help me make a big garden.

You should help us too. We'll need lots of hands. She's never really grown plants before, and even though I have, I've never done something that big.

[ It is an unusual type of embrace. Bolin has never been afraid of contact, especially once he understands someone to be his friend. It's an expression of closeness; an admission of emotion without words. He's never held Korra, Asami, or - he can't even imagine this - Mako while lying in bed. Though if he'd ever needed him to, he would. It's unusual and different, but it's not weird or unnatural. If this is how his friendship with Naruto is going to be, then that's all there is to it.

Bolin's existence itself might not be outside the norm, but he doesn't bother restricting himself or analyze his actions by some standard of "normal". (Doesn't bother to think or reflect at all, really.) He cherishes relationships for what they are, the closer the better.

He likes feeling close to someone. ]

A big garden? Where are you going to do that? [ His tone is light as his contentment wavers, remembering strongly the garden that Adrasteius had been so intent on—remembers napping in that garden sometimes after training.

He picks back up, excited at the prospect of something that would make Sakura and Naruto happy. ]

I'll help. Are you getting a house after all?

[There are little lines in his face now, from the creases of the sheets pressed into his skin and the strange fold they're making- tucked into one another. It doesn't occur to Naruto, in this moment, that this is the kind of embrace he'd been wanting for years- this full bodied awareness of another person. The sense of safety, of being understood, of not being for anything. All his life he's been trying to grow- to outgrow the boy he'd been, to outgrow his shortcomings and the things he couldn't do or understand. He's always been trying to be more. More for the village and for his team and for Sakura-chan and for Sasuke and for his sensei and for his mentor and for everyone but himself.

It won't occur to him that this purely selfish moment had been something special until long after its over. Maybe until he's climbing in bed for the night and smells Bolin's shampoo on the pillow.

He pulls back slow, because he thinks abstractly, that he's supposed to.]

I don't really know that part yet, and I still don't think I'm gonna get a house. But I think it'll be fun to work on something like that. When I was younger I always thought it'd be kinda nice to garden with somebody else.

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