acknowledges | ic contact

I just thought- [He hasn't bothered to go looking for Taco, much less to pick him up and tuck him under his arm in turn. Naruto knows he isn't always the most observant guy. There are lots of things he doesn't pick up on right away- he's all heart and not enough head. But there's something about the dynamic between them right now, the way they're sharing the space maybe, or that they're hovering here- on the edge of his bed, that reminds him of a few nights ago.

One hand moves to the nape of his neck, rubs there thoughtfully.]

Maybe you just wanted to be together for awhile.

We don't gotta do anything, if you're feelin' sad.

I haven't really lost any friends here yet so I can't really know what you're going through. But.

[ It's been a long time since Bolin's really lost someone. He's been so lucky these past years of his life, gaining more and more people that he could rely on. It hadn't entirely occurred to him that's what had happened with this disappearance; that he'd had his time with Adrasteius and that's it now. It's over. ]

Yeah, you can't. [ His answer, like his expression, is distant.

He can't even be too upset because it's a good thing that his friend had gotten to go back home. It's what most of them are hoping for sooner or later. So he's just sad, but it's a quiet, empty sadness, not the type that usually welled up in his chest.

But he's not being distant to keep Naruto at an arm's length, moreso because he's uncertain of the depth of his own feelings. ]

I am feeling pretty down, but is sitting around and moping going to help?

[ The confusion there is obvious, brows furrowing, and one hand rising and falling helplessly. He doesn't sound convinced by the logic, but it seems like it should ring true. ]

[They're close enough that if one of them sat back down, their knees would bump. Sharing space with Bolin is a natural progression, one of the many ways they've grown together. Naruto doesn't always know how to say the right things- actually he thinks he pretty much never says what he's supposed to- but instead he speaks through the set of his shoulders or the weight of his hands, elbows and eyes and exhales.

It's a complicated situation, he thinks. Could he be happy if it was Bolin that was gone? The man is his friend. It'd be hard to be left behind, to know he might never see that person again- but he also knows that Bolin loves the world he comes from- that there are family and friends he's missed terribly. It probably feels selfish to miss someone that way.]

I don't think anything really helps.

[It's an admission of a kind, in his own limited scope.]

When you miss someone, you just miss them- no matter what you do.

[ If Naruto wants to take the conversation in that direction, Bolin's not about to resist, falling back onto the bed, uncaring of the way that he hits the blonde on his way down. Yun wiggles free of his grasp, landing back on the ground with a growl and a glare before flopping over, much like her owner.

He scratches a hand through his hair, trying to figure out what he wants to do; something between just letting himself wallow, and also wanting to take his mind off it.

He wishes that Adra hadn't left, that Korra hadn't left either. He wishes that his brother was here, even if it would strip him of his bending and his purpose, and he doesn't need to ask someone to know that it's selfish. ]

Yeah. I should probably try to be a little happy though. [ He furrows his brows, trying to reconcile the reality of his emotions from what they should be. ] I mean, he got to go home. That's the dream.

[ He rubs his cheek next, fidgeting because it sucks, it sucks. ]

[Like he's been hit by a puff of wind, Bolin falls back onto his mattress, weight knocking him off balance on the way down. His gaze follows Yun- brows creased as she growls and... also flops over. He knows that their carriers aren't quite like the animals he's known back home, but even after all this time, seeing them do stuff like this still surprises him a little.

Naruto's arms stretch out in front of him and he eases down onto the edge of the mattress- his back is to Bolin, but at this angle he's still able to look at the man over one shoulder.]

Would you be happy if you left?

[ The answer should be obvious, and there's a smile on his face just thinking about it, gaze on the ceiling as he imagines being back home. ]

Well, yeah. I'd get to see Korra, my brother, Asami, and Pabu... I could get some noodles from Republic City, and earthbend again. It'd be great.

[ The smile tempers a bit as his gaze drops away and to the side, forming a slightly regretful frown instead. ]

I mean, I'd miss everyone from here too, but that's just how it's meant to be, you know. [ He looks over at Naruto and nudges him. ] You've got friends you want to see back home too, don't you?

[There are lots of honest answers to that question- but none of them feel like they fit quite right; it's the same way that a puzzle is made up of a bunch of different pieces but each of those can only link to one or two others. They've had a conversation like this once before- close to it anyway.

Bolin smiles at the ceiling and Naruto thinks that no matter what happens, Bolin definitely need to go back home. Everyone he loves is there. Everything he knows. This Republic City is part of him.

But man-]

When you go back, I'm really gonna miss you.

[ Yeah, Bolin knows that. He's not coy or humble about their friendship; like he knows that Mako would risk his life for him (or any of them), he knows that Naruto cares about him. From the very beginning they'd fit together easily, worked with a coordination and understanding Bolin had missed since coming here. He's not really surprised by the content of Naruto's words.

But he is surprised by the way that they incite a spark of cold loneliness in his chest. That statement just sounds so lonely, and Bolin's not preceptive enough to know why; wonders even if he has his best friends here, there's a certain weight in knowing that they're from so far into the future.

—He grins, reaching out without any care to ruffle Naruto's hair with both his hands, a lighter noise just short of laughter escaping him as he uses that grip to pull the other boy back down, Naruto's head hitting one side of his chest. ]

Yeah, I'd really miss you too. It'd be awesome if I could bring you to Republic City! Oh man, I wonder what kind of bender you'd be?

[ It's just a throw away comment, though genuine, but as he says it, the more he warms up to it. ]

Probably not an earthbender... Maybe air? Or fire? I'd help coach you anyway, but somehow I get the feeling you'll be a natural at it.

[Bolin continues to talk, following the train of thought out the way one would go from limb to limb in a tall tree. Naruto doesn't follow right away. He sits with the feeling, the one they've been dancing around for ages- the eventuality that some of the people he's become friends with will go back home- Bolin included. He inhales, and then exhales slow. There's nothing to do with an emotion like that. It just has to be there and take it's time.

His friend doesn't seem to want to talk about it, or maybe he's just caught up in possibilities instead, and Naruto lets himself follow. He swings his legs up, nudging into Bolin's side to make the guy make space on the mattress.]

Well, I'm a wind type back home- so that's probably air, right?

[ Bolin shifts to the side easily, caught up in an impossible idea. One of his arms falls off the side of the bed, hand landing on the poof of Yun's wool that the sheep acknowledges with an irritated grunt, but Bolin doesn't move. ]

Airbender, I guess. You'd have to train under Tenzin...

[ Impossible. The world is a big place, but they've had three years for the new airbenders to emerge, and Bolin's having a hard time imagining a new one suddenly appearing, a personality as big as Naruto's. Airbenders had been saved from the brink of extinction, but it's not as though Bolin expects to meet a new one like that.

He shouldn't have said that, it's becoming harder to picture. ]

It'd be nice. Even if it's more important for you to get back home.

[ It'd be incredible if they really could harness this ability to travel across worlds. ]

[Alright not enough space, keep moving. Naruto continues to jostle him over until he's able to stretch his legs out- bare feet hanging over the bottom of the bed. This is becoming a thing for them, a place to lounge around together that isn't being sprawled on the grass after training or the floor of someone's apartment. It's. Nice. It was nice before, but it's still nice.

Naruto reaches for the pillow- fumbles. Twice. Then grabs it as its falling off the side of the mattress just so he can use it to swat Bolin in the head with it. The gesture is more playful than anything else and he has the grin to prove it.]

Oi oi you're talking about work again.

[Bolin made that joke one time and Naruto is never going to let it go.]

Tell me somethin' else in stead. Tell me about your noodle place.

Ow! Hey!

[ Bolin protests the treatment loudly, scooting away and jostling Yun as he does so, her sound of protest evolving into a growl. (He moves his hand out of her fleece then, out of consideration, not fear.)

He sighs as he faces Naruto, the position feeling so familiar. ]

Okay. The noodle place? [ He thinks about it, it's been a while since he's gone, and he needs a moment to think about what to say. ]

Well, it's called Narook's Seaweed Noodlery, and it's got the best seaweed noodles in the city! They're totally authentic Water Tribe noodles too, my friend Korra loves the place as she's from the Water Tribe. [ His hands are up now, gesturing and revealing his enthusiasm as he talks. ] But that's pretty typical of Republic City: you can find stuff from all over the Four Nations!

[He doesn't take the protest seriously but that's because he isn't supposed to. The pillow was a punctuation mark and a diversion in equal measure- moving them into the new. He isn't trying to run from the sense of sadness that they never seem able to shake, he's just rolling with it. Like all things, the emotion won't be all consuming forever. Life goes on and so do the people in it- what matters, he thinks, is embracing those moments as they come. Like this.

Naruto's arms fold behind his head only to change trajectory at the last moment- giving Bolin something to pillow his own on.]

Seaweed noodles? [That isn't something he's thought of before.]

Are they real salty? Is it like kelp, all green an' stuff?

It can't be better than ramen, nothing's as good as that.

[ It does lift his spirits to talk about Narook's, the nostalgia creating a familiar, cozy feeling in his chest. Like he's still got a bit of home with him.

He's happy too, knowing that he's got Naruto here. ]

Yeah, it's green! Because of seaweed. [ Which is fairly self-evident. ] And they're normally salty... Man, my mouth is starting to water just remembering them. It is kind of like ramen, but a different kind of noodle and broth? But the same... elements?

[ He knocks on Naruto's shoulder. ]

What do you miss most about home?

[Most is a hard thing to talk about because it's so many different things, and none of those things are really easy to bring up. The big stuff is a far cry from the comfortable tone they've slipped into too. Naruto's feet swing thoughtfully, a lazy sway from side to side.

Now that he mentions it...]

There's nothing here like Ichiraku.

[What a pathetic sounding voice! He's starting to rub his stomach just thinking about it.]

I've been dreaming about that ramen forever, and the old man that runs it sometimes gives me extra bowls, yanno? It's the best when somebody else treats you, but Ichiraku's always so good I spend all my money there anyway.

Ichiraku? [ He sounds a little puzzled before he laughs a little. ] Ramen? That's what you miss the most?

[ Maybe it's on Naruto's mind since they're already talking about noodles. Bolin crosses his arms over his chest as he thinks about it. ]

I kind of understand. That old man sounds pretty nice, it's a good thing that you're still paying or his kindness might've run him out of business... [ Naruto's got a bit of an appetite.

He's thinking about what kind of place the other boy comes from now though, where kids are trained to fight and work as ninjas rather than being caught up in it all through circumstance. It's a little hard to picture. ]

But I guess you have Sasuke and Sakura here, even if they are old.

[ .... ]

I still can't believe you won't ask them anything about your future!

[It's probably a little more than that. Naruto can be pretty frugal, but going to Ichiraku had always been something special- when no one else in the village would tolerate him, he could always climb onto a stool there and didn't have to get worried about getting kicked out. And then after that are a string of memories associated with celebrating with his friends- when Iruka-sensei treated him for the first time after he graduated the academy, sitting with team seven, trying to trick Kakashi-sensei into taking off his mask. In the whole village that one place had been something he could always count on. It really is synonymous with home, more than his little one bedroom ever could have been.

The memories leave him beaming at the ceiling, content and warm, even as his thoughts drift Sakura and Sasuke.]

I've asked them a couple'a questions, but. [His brows scrunch together and Naruto's head rolls to look at him; they're almost nose to nose.]

I'm not really sure that they're happy.

[ Naruto’s going to find a curious, insistent stare looking back at him. Though once he turns his head, Bolin’s expression shifts, nose wrinkling at a puff of breath, his thoughts rudely drifting even as Naruto answers a question that Bolin had asked him. He’s always been a physical person, without even thinking about it—really, he’s never thought about it before. Even when he’d had Adrasteius with him, and the elf had been averse to contact forcing Bolin to watch himself, it had just become another habit. He doesn’t reflect on his tendency to embrace his friends, or reach out to others as a means of comfort.

But Naruto is close, the kind of close that he gets from Varrick when the other man gets excited and blatantly invades his personal space. Except it’s not exactly that kind of close, because it doesn’t come from a blatant disregard for others in the face of one’s own excitement. It’s different. Different enough that he notices. ]

Really? [ He frowns, tilting his head away as he replies so that he’s not breathing his response over Naruto’s face. ] Even though the war you’re fighting is over?

[There's something about the conversation that feels like he's telling a secret- not one that belongs to someone else, but one even he had struggled to name. His frown is small and soft, it's a thoughtful gesture- folded together over his stomach, his fingers flex.] I'm not sure how to explain it.

[The memories keep coming back to him- the way Sakura-chan had looked standing on that balcony, the way Sasuke had justified being away from him family for the sake of the village. He knows that he hasn't explained a whole lot about the world he comes from to Bolin, so maybe it won't be very easy to understand, but he can feel his own willingness to try in the way the words bubble up in his mouth. It's more than that Bolin listens, he asks. Even now he's supernaturally aware of the weight of his gaze, of having all of his attention. It's strange to reconcile it when he remembers being so starved for acknowledgement as a child- when he'd wanted even one person to look at him and really see him. Not to say that he mattered, but just to say he was there.]

I thought everything we were fighting for was to change the shinobi world. There've been so many cycles of hatred and revenge. I want to break them, even if I'm not sure how. Sasuke says that everything turned out right in the end, and Sakura says they have a family. But.

[That's the part that hurts. A heavy weight in the pit of his stomach; guilt.]

Sakura-chan has always been waiting for the people she loves to come home. She's always been missing someone. And Sasuke lost his entire family once already- why's he gotta sacrifice it all over again? It's the same thing his brother did, giving up his happiness to protect the village.

They tell me I'm the Hokage now, and that all our dreams came true, that we're on our way to peace.

-But is that really a change at all? It's like we're walking a different to the same place. I just wanted- everyone to be happy. I wanted my friends to be happy. [His throat feels tight. Naruto's voice falters just for a moment, when he continues, his eyelashes are wet.] And even now they keep saying it's okay. They aren't happy and they say it's okay.

[ He doesn't want to know what that's like. Bolin doesn't have big dreams, but he doesn't want to know what it's like for Naruto, who's had that dream and hope, and worked so hard for something he really believed he could make happen, and see it come out all wrong. It must be heartbreaking, to dedicate your life to something and know that it's nothing like you dreamed; to know especially that the ones that had been fighting with you are done with that belief.

Bolin is naive and optimistic in most cases, backing off of conflicts or compromising heavily because he doesn't want to see that expression. And even if he's ignorant, he can feel how much this hurts Naruto. He doesn't need a frame of reference; comparing it to Korra, her big ambitions, and how much each of her victories took out of her.

It makes his chest go tight, an answering warmth in his own eyes at seeing the state that Naruto's been brought to, and muscles tense with desire. A wish to think of something to say to lighten the situation; a way to make it seem better than what it is. Something positive, something good.

He knows better than to pursue that desire however, and instead he turns on the bed so that he's facing Naruto more clearly, reaching out to take him by the shoulders and draw him in for a tight hug, nothing careful or tentative about it. ]

Hey, I'm sorry. I wish you were happy too. I really...

[ Because it's meant to be. That's how it's meant to be when you sacrifice this much. ]

[He's no stranger to crying in front of other people, even if it is a little embarrassing, and even if it only makes him look even more uncool. Naruto wears his heart on his sleeve for better and for worse. He isn't ashamed of the depth to which he feels things, or the importance of the people he cares about. Every conversation he's had with Sakura and Sasuke has felt like all three of them were just moving around some invisible thing in the room with them, this thing they couldn't name or change or talk about. Naruto knows that they're keeping secrets from him in the same way that he knows, in his stomach, that they're doing it to keep him safe- that they aren't trying to hurt him and that they're just doing their best.

But in that- in the small admissions that they have made, in the way their eyes find his only to slide away- it hurts. It's unreal how much it hurts. Time and again Naruto thinks I failed you. He knows he has his world to go back to, that he still has to do a lot more stuff to get to the point in time his friends are from, but that doesn't erase the sadness. He doesn't know how to fix that any more than he knows what to do to find peace and end the years of hatred and revenge that have consumed all their lives. He doesn't know how this happened. Because he should have stopped it.

Sasuke and Sakura- they're the first people to have known him and accepted him, and they did it when no one else would. Naruto loves them both, fiercely, but if that's really true-

How did he let this happen?
How did he stand by for it?
How could they have fought so hard, for so long, and settled for this?

He can't talk about it with them the same way, because it isn't their burden to bear. They're living with the consequences of actions Naruto can't fathom and in that quiet the words are adding up. He feels like he's suffocating beneath them.

The mattress dips as Bolin shifts and Naruto moves in turn an echo for a gesture he doesn't even recognize yet. And then there are arms around him. For the span of two heartbeats, Naruto's body is rigid with surprise. He can count on one hand the number of times he's been hugged like this- that he'd been able to feel the rise and fall of someone's chest against his own, that he'd been able to fit his chin over someone's shoulder and heard their voice near his ear. Bolin doesn't reach for him like he's scared. It isn't pity or fear or congratulations. He doesn't have a name for the way it feels, it just feels- and Naruto, hands trembling, recognizes the moment he could pull away and instead throws himself into it, trusting that he'll be caught. Naruto's arms wrap around his shoulder and chest, they roll along the mattress in his push to get closer, and his face is buried in the slope of Bolin's neck as if he's the only solid thing in the whole world.]

[ There's more. He knows that there's more, probably a tangent of thoughts swirling around Naruto's head, that's so clear and certain in his chest and his mind but so difficult to put into words. Difficult because there's so much feeling, that it's difficult to communicate everything.

He wants to hear it, maybe not today, but someday, so it's not trapped in a helpless circle in Naruto's mind. So that Naruto can put it down, make it tangible and progress out of the thing so encompassing and vague and painful inside him. If he can. Bolin doesn't know. This process of timelines and world hopping is complicated, and he can't even tell if when they'll go back they'll remember everything they learned here.

Probably not. And that's the most frustrating thing, because it means that they can't even incite change with what they learn here. The futility of it is frustrating, to the point where even Bolin is at a loss for positivity.

He doesn't say anything when Naruto returns the hug, just squeezing him tighter and frowning fiercely where Naruto can't see. There's tension and struggle there, come on so quick and wholly, like it had been lying in wait under the surface all along. It's going to keep going on from here on out before it's not as though there are any solutions offered between them, but Bolin is here, his hands pressing hard against Naruto's shoulder blades, feeling the pattern of his ribs against one of his arms. He's here, and he's going to give it all that he's got, even if it isn't much. ]

[He doesn't cry the way he otherwise might, but that's because it feels like the moment he's about to, Bolin is there to catch him. His eyes squeeze shut and the tension threaded through his body snaps like a cut string; it's as if he just can't hold it any longer. Maybe that's true. Bolin asked him what he missed most and the words just start spilling out of him.]

I miss the house I always lived in, even though it's dirty 'cause I haven't seen it in months. I miss my friends that're all counting on me, and the people important to me that've died. I wanted my master to watch me grow up and do everything we talked about and I didn't get to say goodbye. I miss Neji who died 'cause he believed in me.

I miss my parents I never got to see and Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-sensei who were always looking out for me- and Obaa-san shouting at me even though she's the Hokage. I miss having chakra and bein' able to practice jutsu. I miss all the streets I walked on and my friends from other villages and the playground I used to stay in and the kids that nagged me to train with them. I even miss Kurama and we only just became friends.

[The breaths shudder out of him. Naruto's grip doesn't change around Bolin's body- his forehead pressed into the skin of his throat and the pattern of inhale-exhale rocking out of him.]

I miss everything'attebayo.

And I'm gonna miss everything here when it's gone too.

[ That's a lot; a lot of people and places, and it gets Bolin to smile against Naruto's hair, not because it's tickling his nose. He's glad to hear it, if he's honest, because he was wondering what kind of place Naruto had come from, because he couldn't pick up on what the other Hero was yearning for, what he missed, what he thought of when they were silent. So he's glad that there's so much, and that Naruto has a life that he loves to go back to.

Because if it was just duty or a war, he's not sure that he'd want that for Naruto.

His hand moves on Naruto's back, patting him between the shoulder blades, light enough that the gesture doesn't even vibrate all the way to Naruto's breath. Reminiscent of his parents when he was young—of all parents probably, but it's not as though Naruto would know. ]

Yeah, it sucks.

[ Because it does, and it's not as though there's anything either of them can physically do about it, like tear a hole that would taken them back to their homes. It just sucks, and they're allowed to wallow and be sad, and think about how frustrating it is to be in this position. He wants to go home too, even if it hurts to think about how much he'll miss this. ]

But you'll get back... It's possible! I've seen it happen. And I'm going to miss you a lot too.

[He's not saying it because he's homesick. It doesn't have the same resonance that Bolin's words do when he talks about it- like it's the one thing always on his mind. Naruto loves his village because it's the only home he knows, but he also understands what it means to leave it behind. Travel is associated with growth and in this way, being here in Blanc is an extension of that mentality.

He's saying it because Bolin asked him to, and because he can't stop replaying all of his memories, over and over again, when Sakura lapses into silence and when Sasuke doesn't meet his gaze. He doesn't know to to make his peace with this as their future because in a way, it means that whatever he goes back to, it's the beginning of the end. Maybe there'll be good things once the war is really over, and yeah, maybe it'll mean peace for the shinobi world. But the things he'd wanted to desperately to get back are gone; here with him in Caissa is proof.

There's a graveyard of things Naruto has never grieved.

Against Bolin's shoulder, Naruto shakes his head, swallows the rest, and lets his breathing even back out.]

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